The Please Do Not Buy Holiday Gift Guide…Pt. 1

words: Bill, photos: uhhhh…yikes

The holidays are upon us and if you are anything like me, you’re going to wait until the last minute to get gifts for your loved ones. However the following items may be more appropriate for your enemies…these things are tragic. We have a saying in the office that describes many of these: it has too many pieces of flair (a reference to Jennifer Anniston’s job at TGIFriday in Office Space). Rings all over the place, fonts that haven’t been used in years, trying to cram as many pieces of flair as can possibly fit, and some of these…well see for yourselves. Let’s start with my favorite one (it goes rapidly downhill from there):

Vintage Mens AUDI SPORT Rancing Germany Jacket

Let’s get right to the point here: IT SAYS FACTORY RANCINGRANCING. That alone should be reason enough not to buy this. But there’s more; rings galore and exactly how many times does Audi appear on this jacket? Horrible, just horrible. Perfect for that Audi ‘fan’ in your life. If you feel like spending $89 on a misspelt abomination, you can find it HERE

Benzo/Au9i Graphic Tee

And you thought Rancing was bad. Here we have a t-shirt with Benzo and Au9i. I don’t even know what to say. It’s not like they are trying to get around trademarks because the Mercedes Benz and Audi logos are there…along with Bentley (?), BMW (?), and a Volkswagen R? Oh and Grand Prix, a globe, something on fire…I can’t go on any more. Find it HERE for $60…sixty (note: same place as the above jacket).

Audi Low Top Canvas Shoes

Hurry….these are $25 off the regular sale price. Apparently after you place your order, you have to wait several days for a tracking number because these shoes are custom made to order. That there’s some premium stuff. Find it HERE.

Audi Classic Thong

It’s an Audi thing…you wouldn’t understand! Gift for your girlfriend? Wife? Mom? Dad? They wouldn’t understand…why they stick around if you gave them this. Yours for only $15.74 HERE

Audi 3D All Over Printed Sports Car Clothes by VoidStyle

The company should have been called AvoidStyle, know what I mean? You can choose several items plastered with rings and an R8 such as a hoodie, t-shirt, shorts, tank top, etc. I’ll let you decide if you will Void and/or Avoid. Find it HERE for $49.99 (down from $65.99).

Audi Minimalistic Design Tank Top

Does that t-shirt say…poop? Maybe the designer shouldn’t have put minimal effort into this shirt. Find it HERE for $19.69

Audi Car Women’s Leggings

Audi Collection has a pair of leggings in their store that is like Audi itself; sleek and simple. This pair however is the exact opposite. The four rings sit on the hips while bold AUDI runs down the legs…gaudy to say the least. Yours for only $42.95 (down from $69.95) HERE.

Black Audi R8 Headlights PhotoBeachTowel

If there is one item on this list that I may possibly even think about getting, this may be it. I mean, it’s something I won’t be wearing but rather lying down on. *Slap* sorry…it’s getting late. It does have a beautiful print on it though. Find it HERE for $39.99.

Ugly Truth Girlfriend Funny In Love With Audi RS2 Parody T Shirt

This is classy. Enough said. If you really want it, find it HERE for $19.99.

I Used To Drive Funny Cars Trending T Shirt

What exactly is an Audi 77? Ooooohhhh…it’s TT. That’s so funny. Minimum effort went into this t-shirt just like the one above and the POOP t-shirt but it’s funny. Yours for $19.99 HERE.

Audi TT T-Shirt

Every single inch of this shirt is covered in Audi flair. A TT on the front, a TT on the back, TT on both sleeves and front, rings on the front and back but the real scary part of this is the mannequin modeling the shirt. You’re going to have to reach across the Atlantic if you want this one. €19.99 HERE

Audi T-Shirt Motorsport S line Audi RS Allroad Punisher Skull T-Shirt

The designer of this shirt is Design Sukses. Now is the 2nd word pronounced Success or Sucks because this t-shirt is definitely one but not the other. The super long name makes me think someone put all Audi names in a bowl and just grabbed a handful to create the name. Plus I don’t think that’s the Punisher’s logo. Punish yourself HERE for just $20.

Ok, I think I’ve abused you enough for the time being. The 2nd installment of our Please Do Not Buy Holiday Gift Guide will be here before you know it.