Editor’s note: Today, APR revealed their latest Skunk Works-esque vehicle: the Audi RS 12 Gigapferd, pronounced Gig-a-pferd? Giga-p-ferd?
Opelika, Ala. (April, 2020) – APR, the world renowned leader in Audi tuning, has create a new breed of vehicle capable of overcoming the landscape of the great toilet paper shortages wars of the early 2020’s.
The RS12 Gigapferd is a 1,000 HP to 2,500 HP behemoth built upon the latest Audi C8 RS6 platform with a stacked dual hatch capable of carrying over 750 rolls of the softest triple-ply quilted toilet paper while still offering excellent rear visibility. The suspension system has been completely overhauled for full off-road capabilities with 6 massive run-flat self-inflating tires and plenty of suspension travel for maximum articulation. Above the rear hatch is a CROWS multi-weapon platform, with a belt fed .50cal M2 heavy machine gun controlled from touchscreens within. Inside expect only the latest creature comforts with a 24-way adjustable massage seat with color matched Alcantara inserts and heated and cooled vents. Audi’s lane departure warning system comes standard.
The Gigapferd features Audi’s tried and tested quattro drivetrain system with heavy modifications. The driveshafts have been upgraded to carbon fiber to keep the ‘Pferd light and nimble, and power is transmitted through a 7-speed manual transmission. Optionally a modified Porsche PDK transmission is available, which reduces 0-60 times from 3.4 seconds down to 2.8 in most off-road conditions.
Most importantly to the Gigapferd is the overhauled Audi 4.0T engine boasting a minimum of 1,000 HP, with more power depending on fuel grade. The ‘Pferd features two 4.0T engines in a W configuration with four billet turbochargers and two belt driven superchargers. Displacement has been increased dramatically with 10.2L sticking out of the extended hood. The exhaust system has been relocated to the side of the vehicle for maximum ground clearance and is created from T304 stainless steel for maximum corrosion resistance. All mufflers have been removed to let people hear and feel you coming, while the interior features a user adjustable noise canceling system to dial exhaust notes to a comfortable level of your choosing.
With global fuel shortages inevitable, the system features full fuel switching capabilities. On standard premium gasoline the ‘pferd creates 1,000 HP and 1,500 FT-LBS of torque. On home brewed grain alcohols the system can achieve a maximum of 2,300 HP with torque capped at 2,000 on manual transmission models and 2,500 on the PDK model. Most importantly, this is delivered with a matching APR Plus warranty offering 5 years or 50,000 miles of worry free operation, complete with roadside assistance.
Orders are now open and prices start at $725,000 for the base model and increases with options and colors. Due to overuse on the RS3 and TTRS crowed, there is a global shortage Nardo gray, and therefore the color is not available at this time. A double core charge will be assessed if customers do not supply two working RS6 cores. Lastly, order turnaround time is considered as “soon” or “stay tuned” or similar to that of the original time table allotted to cracking and tuning the latest S4 ECU upgrade. Essentially, two weeks, best case scenario.
Regulatory Notice: WARNING California Prop 65. This vehicle is known to cause cancer in the state of California. EPA, CARB, and TÜV approval is still pending at this time.